Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
