Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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