We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
