fuck your aforementioned shoe
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
