I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
