Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
