You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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