false alarm. still invincible.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
