I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
