I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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