those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Im part way to drunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
