Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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