dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
