My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we're making bets on your personal life
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
