I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
