I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
