maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
