Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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