it was like his penis was on wheels.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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