we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
