Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
