sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
