she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
