i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
