What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
