Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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