You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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