i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
