They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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