She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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