chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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