If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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