i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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