Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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