ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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