Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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