Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
