we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
