My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
