Me too!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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