I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
