So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i think i just lost a toe
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
