goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
