I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
