Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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