i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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