so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
