don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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