Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
