im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We left an ass print on the piano.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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