everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
