Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They have beer where we have blood.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize