My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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